Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
