im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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