ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
where are you?
Hypothermia
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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