You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize