i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
