i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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