I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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