no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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