my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He kissed a someone with a penis
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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