i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
