If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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