David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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