I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
