Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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