We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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