the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
