have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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