ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
