i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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