I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
