Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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