i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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