I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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