Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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