mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
