I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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