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• (207): View more from Maine

  I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?

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• (808): View more from Hawaii

  Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"

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• (650): View more from California

  I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING

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• (909): View more from California

  I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.

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