true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize