Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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