You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
