Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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