is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
