I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
