normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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