Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
