I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
