She announced her abortion via fbk
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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