Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize