I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
