I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
