i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize