Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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