theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
