Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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