Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
