I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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