They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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