Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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