3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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