Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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