we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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