I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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