and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
