She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
