So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
