I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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