Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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