I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
