the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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