If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
