If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
