In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
