YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize